As I sit and watch one my best friends get married I feel a rush emotions. I'm happy and excited for Jason and Carley but at the same time I start to think about my life and their life.
I feel guilty about missing so much of their planning and not being apart of the festivities leading up to the day that is up to date, I'm sure the most special day off their lives.
I feel guilty that my life has taken be to the other side of the country and I feel bad that I have pursued things that are important to me while leaving so many people I love behind.
I hate that life that has these twists and turn that are unpredictable and unforeseeable. Yet I love it at the same time.
As I watch Jason and Carley dance for the first time as husband and wife I start to tear up. I'm a tearer. Whatever.
I started to feel slightly better yet worse about everything all at the same time. Now their wedding day is in by no means about me and my life at all but when it comes down to the nitty gritty I start to rationalize some of my thoughts.
I find myself envious of Jason. He's funny, charismatic, charming and one of the hardest workers I have ever met. He lights up any room he's in. He's found an incredible amount of happiness just being himself. This I admire more than words can say. This how he has achieved all he has and why he will continue to be successful in all avenues.
It reminds me of why I ended up in Vancouver in the first place. To chase the things I want in life.
I struggle to verbally say what I want to in the moment and I feel lucky to have to platform I have to share the things I want to share with the world but more importantly with the people who need to hear what I have to say.
I share this because I struggle at times to tell people why I work like I do and how I ended up in Vancouver in the first place.
In a round about way this past weekend and the wedding of Jason and Carley has reminded that I ended up in Vancouver in the pursuits to be challenged and to have opportunities to be happy, charismatic, charming and hard working.
I look up to Jay more than words can share and hate how little time we have spent together over the last five years but I promise you all it is in a pursuit of betterment and self improvement. All the good and bad times I have missed are due to because I want to be better, I want to be challenged and I want to find the happiness I have witnessed between Jason and Carley over the last 10 years.
I share this because I want everyone at the gym to know what I want and who I am trying to be and also because I want everyone from back home to understand my decisions and know why my life has taken me where It has.
Here's a small look at the happiness I speak of.